Anger

I can’t remember what P said to me. I couldn’t even remember what it had been a day later.

That said, whatever it was was enough to set me off.

My blood boiled.

He knew that look.

He knew I got angry very easily.

He was bigger than I was and would have given me a beating if he wanted to — yet he fled.

I picked the cutlass and with it felt a rush of power. Without thinking, I swung it in an arc and let it go. P was running towards a group of seated classmates. He must have heard the whistle of the sharp metal because he ducked without looking back.

The cutlass kept going. It would have gone over the students seated on the bench talking. I wish it had but it was not to be.

L stood up.

There was a thunk as the cutlass connected. I knew it had struck bone — the sound was unmistakable. L cried out and bent double. He held his hands to the back of his head.

I stood frozen in time.

L took his hands away. His hair was crimson — wet crimson.

I didn’t move. I stood as in a trance, gazing with a mix of horror and fascination at the back of L’s head as the blood bubbled out under pressure. It was so surreal. After a while I didn’t see red. I saw pink, then purple. I was getting dizzy.

The students around were just as immobile as I was. They stood gaping at the ghastly wound.

He probably would have stood there without any intervention had Senior T not walked by.

‘Jesus Christ!’ he screamed, dropping the books he was holding and rushing over. He pulled L up and placing a hand over the wound, ran with him to the school clinic.

I’ll never forget the sight of blood seeping through Senior T’s fingers…

I’ll never forget the trail of blood they left all the way from labor ground to the clinic…

I’ll never forget the look on people’s faces as they turned to look at me…

I’ll never forget P’s words afterwards:

So you wanted to kill me.

Yes, it was true. At that moment that had been my intention.

L got nearly half his scalp stitched. I’m ashamed to admit I avoided him. I never apologized until two years later when we became friends. He only laughed and told me it was OK.

My case went up to the Head Boy.

I cut grass for three days until my hand was covered with blisters which burst only to have other, even more painful blisters form where they had been. I learned to cut grass with my left hand for the remaining three days until it attained the same state.

I never learned my lesson from the grass-cutting.

I already had from seeing what my unbridled anger could do.

Something I read about Socrates turning to philosophy because he discovered he would have made a good murderer came to me in those moments. I realized just how destructive anger was.

I still get angry but never ever again have I let my anger control me.

Comments

  1. Keshi says:

    OMG u got that angry? Thats scary. Im glad u dun let anger control u anymore.

    TC!
    Keshi.

  2. lala says:

    wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Buki says:

    Is this true? Is this you?

  4. idemili says:

    God. Two things. One: Thank God I am not a freak then!
    Two: Man, you are scarier by far!

  5. Azuka says:

    Keshi
    Well, crazy stuff happens. That was about 6 or 7 years ago. I think if this incident hadn’t taken place I probably would never have learnt my lesson and done something worse when I was bigger and stronger.

    Lala
    Welcome! So you finally found my blog? ๐Ÿ˜€

    Buki
    Yes it is…

    Idemili
    You don’t have to be scared.

  6. nyemoni says:

    Good to hear you now control your anger…. Thank God for that!

  7. snazzy says:

    I definitely know the scary feeling that comes when you realise that you have it in you to be angry enough to see people as objects that you do things to. It is even scarier to realize that when you get that angry, the fear does not stop you. My saving grace is it takes a lot to even get me a little angry. Yours seems to be self-control. I think your way may ultimately work better. In the same way that someone with a low tolerance for alcohol actually has more self control when drunk than someone with a high tolerance.

    Anyway think happy thoughts. Woosah!

  8. nevgenevich says:

    thats crazy man….. but as for meaning of life, it is to live it…..

  9. ariike says:

    dude… is it bad that i laughed?!! dang! i can’t believe that story was real! I also can’t believe they didn’t beat your arse for almost killing someone. kai!

    So tell me… did people stop messing with you after that incident? I’m sure P did. LOL.

    PS thanks again for all your help. you ROCK! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. ariike says:

    **sigh**… that smilie looks so darn sinister. lol

  11. Keshi says:

    yep its a lesson for life. Dun ever let anger take over.

    Keshi.

  12. nilla says:

    Wow!!!

    Glad your in control of your anger now.

    Is ariike the same as Belle?

  13. nilla says:

    Something funny is going on with your blog Azuka!

    My first post was supposed to be after ariike’s 9:26pm post, but it somehow found its way behind Keshi’s post….strange…

  14. Lizzy says:

    Wow.. :-O

    Azuka, that is some scary stuff right there. I thought i was reading one of your ‘stories’, as in i espected you to ask what we thought about the ‘story’ and that this was an excerpt or something like that.

    I am glad you have made the conclusion never to let your Anger COntrol you.

  15. Lizzy says:

    Ohh and is Snazzy The same Snazzydawn i know??

  16. Moments says:

    HAPPY NEW MONTH AZUKA.

    I pray this month is a month of fulfilment for you in Jesus name.

  17. nyemoni says:

    and is this the lizzy i know????

  18. Boso says:

    Wow, that was some serious stuff !!

  19. Afropinay says:

    Pls Pls. Don’t ever let ur anger control you.. that is soo dangerous..

    neways.. I can see traffic coming from left and right.. ๐Ÿ˜€

  20. Lizzy says:

    nyemoni, I can’t tell if i am the Lizzy you know. Do you mind telling me abt the Lizzy you know?

  21. I was so sure you were just writing a story. That was you? Omigosh!

  22. Princess says:

    I am glad that you decided not to allow anger to ever get the better of you again!!

  23. Naijabloke says:

    Hey Azuka I sent u a message thru ur contact page,hope u got it.Lemme know if you got it or not.

    Thx

  24. Vera Ezimora says:

    Damn, that’s serious oh. Azuka, I had no clue!

    I am an opposite, I think. I take a while to get angry, although sometimes I can just snap because I have not gotten angry for so long.

    Mmmmm.

    So you wanted to kill P?

    LOL

  25. Jaycee says:

    Azuka…so u wanted to kill somebody eh? We need to talk….lolll….

  26. idemili says:

    For the love of God, Monsieur, UPDATE!!! I need to read something online.

  27. Azuka says:

    Nyemoni
    I thank God too…

    Snazzy
    Thanks, I will.

    Keshi
    True…

    Nilla
    Trust me, I’m glad. About the time, I discovered my blog had been running on GMT + 2. Taking it back to Eastern Time caused some problems but it’s all good ;-).

    Nikita
    Yeah, I guess.

    Ariike
    Don’t mention. Well, I don’t think being beaten would have solved anything.

    Moments
    Amen! ๐Ÿ˜†

    Boso
    Quite scary now I think of it.

    Afropinay
    According to Alexa, most of my traffic is coming from China. I think it’s a lot of bot traffic though, as the amount of comment spam I receive has increased.
    exponentially ๐Ÿ™

    In My Head and Around Me
    I’m not too good at writing stuff that reads like a textbook. Everything’s bound to resemble one of my stories at one point or the other ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Princess
    Me too
    P.S.: I appreciate all your comments ๐Ÿ™‚

    Naijaloke
    Left you a comment on yours.

    Vera
    Really? I need to step up my game then. I think I know just what annoy you with the next time I sign into messenger.

    Jaycee
    How’ve you been? And the exam?

    Idemili
    I may be updating in the near future. I’m currently doing some polishing.

  28. Vickii says:

    It’s good that you’ve learnt to control your anger because it’s such a powerful emotion that doesn’t allow for reason or rationale!

    This is written really well, I wasn’t sure if it was real or a story till I go to the end.

  29. come azuka u wanted to turn into a cutlassderer. You wanted to seriously kill someone. After you finish talking to Jaycee – you need to come and see me immediately. At once.

    It could have been worse, but the Lord has used that situation to teach you the consequences of being angry. Stay positive ok. All is well.

  30. Mad Hatter says:

    Seriously Budd, I thought that was what had just happened to you. You really frightened me. I was ready to start a petition to free you, then I got to the part

    “L got nearly half his scalp stitched. Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขm ashamed to admit I avoided him. I never apologized until two years later when we became friends. He only laughed and told me it was OK….”

    Anyway Hope you are well and take care of yourself.

  31. lighdeh says:

    oh my…i thought this was just one of your stories…but its real and it’s about u..i hate to think about what would have happened if the dude died…gosh that’d be crazy…

    Thats the thing about anger…its after the deed is done that we realize our folly…i also have the same problem but am learning to control mine..am happy uv been able to control urs..Thank God for you.

    un controllable Anger has caused alot of havoc…and there’s a need to pray so we it doesnt make us do something we might regret one day.

  32. nyemoni says:

    @ Lizzy as in Lizzy, Aisha, Nike4luv, wesleyanA lizzy??? lol!

  33. Diamond says:

    i understand your anger…understand it cuz I’ve felt it. My stepmom used to tell me all the time… Anger is one letter away from Danger… glad to see you’ve learned the art of controlling ur rxn…the emotions will always be there…I learned it too and i think it’s powerful…being able to control ur rxn…

    have a great week MR Sexy

  34. oh my gosh was that true?? is that you?
    whether it/it isnt very very well written
    you have a way of letting your readers feel the emotions.

    at least you realize that you have a problem wit anger.

  35. c0dec says:

    look out people, it’s bruce banner!

  36. Keshi says:

    ok how abt a new post? ๐Ÿ™‚

  37. Jaycee says:

    The exam was beautiful…God dey now…I’m freelancing now cos I’m done…lolll…

    Thanks dearie…

  38. uzo says:

    No way..this is intense…I really hope you have gotten a handle on your anger.

    Naija Blogger Bachelor has premiered on my blog. Check it out and dont forget to vote…

  39. Daddy's Girl says:

    Oga Azuka, abeg update. ๐Ÿ™‚

  40. chainreader says:

    Wow, azuka has a dangerous past.

    Good to know everything is now under control.

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