I remember them almost like they happened yesterday.

I was at school. My aunt hadn’t been getting any work for some months and when she did, it was from clients who kept owing. When a parent from our Port Harcourt group came to visit, I wrote a letter to everyone at home. It was fairly long, and most of what it said has been forgotten, but I still remember the message I sent to Aunty A:

You’re going to get a lot of work. You will work all the time. The offers will only stop when you get tired of the work.

Miraculously, the job offers started to pour in. People came from all places to get work done. She had a pile at home, and another in the office. She worked and worked, and the money couldn’t even be spent because she had no time to do so — until, as I said, she got tired of the excessive work. I don’t know what prompted me to make that statement and I don’t know why it worked but from then on my aunt looked at me with new eyes.

She’s unmarried and unhappy about it. A while ago, she approached me.

“Do you remember the time you said I was going to get plenty of work?” she asked.

“Yes. I was told you worked from morning till night everyday,” I said.

“Can you…” she hesitated. “Can you do the same thing again? Can you make me have a husband by the end of this year?”

I turned to her. I was tempted to say nonchalantly, “I’ll see what I can do about it” but inside, I knew I had no powers. I merely stared at her without saying a word until she walked away. She never asked again…

We were preparing for the inter-house games at Fedacad. Every night the seniors gathered us on the Kantoma courtyard to teach us the ‘malewa’ songs we would chant on the field to the beat of tins to cheer our players on. Those who could play soccer, basketball, badminton or table tennis practiced every evening. Competition was in the air.

I didn’t want to sit there with my rusty Milo tin joining the others in creating a cacophony of sounds. I snuck off with some friends to class — and got caught. While trudging back resignedly to the soccer field, someone asked,”Who do you think will win the match?”

Purple House,” someone in Red House said.

Gree-Yell,” someone else in Green House said.

I don’t play soccer — don’t even like to watch it or hear others talk about it — but I piped up suddenly, “None of them is winning the match. It’s going to be a draw.”

The others scoffed. “See Azuka talking. What do you know about soccer?”

“I know what I’m saying,” I insisted. “It’s going to be a draw — 2-2.”

I forgot about everything I’d said and managed to sneak off before the match even started. I was so out of touch with sports that I didn’t find out the outcome until a few days later when Blue House played against Green. I–, one of the guys who asked me the score the last time came looking for Azuka the ‘predictionist’ — if I remember his words correctly.

“What’s the score going to be this time?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly.

“Just make a guess,” he insisted.

“Well, since you want to know,” I said. “Since you want to know, it’ll be 3-1 in favor of Green house.”

As luck would have it, that’s exactly what happened. I’ve been wary about making predictions since then.

Got any interesting stories to share?


  1. nilla says:


    Why don’t you like soccer 🙁

  2. akin says:

    Must be like marmite for Azuka.. He loves it or hates it.. 🙂

    Nice piece on the black slither vs man.

  3. never really been good at predictions. i always go with my gut feelings.. and they usually turn out to be wrong..

    its funny.. .. i cant imagine how your aunty must have felt.. when you stared at her at her like that

  4. twinstaiye says:

    So Azuka, what is your predictions of today’s Champions league match between Liverpool and AC Milan? Just make a guess, it doesnt really matter if your prediction goes haywire.

  5. DiAmOnD hawk says:

    can you predict that i win the lottery.. thank you!!!!

  6. Kindly predict that i will get a beautiful well paid job and start it on the 1st of september 2007…I don’t want to be jobless after NYSC.

  7. Azuka says:

    I’m not really sure when I began to hate it — I just know I’ve been describing it as ’22 players in love with a dirty round ball’ for quite a while.

    I’m not sure. Did you mean to comment on the previous post?

    Lol. Don’t mind me abeg — I’m just blowing up two incidents out of proportion. Well, it’s pretty hard to guess, but I’m sure she realized it wasn’t me who did it.

    I’m not guessing. I don’t want to ruin my ‘reputation’ 😆

    Congratulations on being the third wisher — the first wanted a million dollars. I could only predict I would get more requests for predictions from people who read this post on prediction.

    stuck in my throat o
    I’m in trouble oh!

    On a serious note, we all hope you get one as soon as you come out. Goodluck!

  8. Ejura says:

    Ehen Prophet Azuka!predict that i’ll get a raise please

  9. idemili says:

    Well, not from me personally. Like Ijeoma, I just have feelings but they turn out to come true.

    My mother however, is a different story. As kids we used to believe she was some kind of witch. A catholic, strong, prayerful witch [for lack of a better word in out vocabs]. Even now I’m not so sure…I mean I KNOW she isn’t but there is something…

    I’ll probably put up something on my blog sometime of some instances, they are too many to list here. Remind me?

  10. Predict I win the national lottery and I might just only just manage to try and play it, cause its pointless wining if you havn’t

    so how is your aunt doing now. Hope she is well.

  11. Boso says:

    Liverpool 1 Milan 0.

    That’s my prediction. (Although to be fair, we’ve been watching for 30 minutes).

  12. nyemoni says:

    Azuka, you are funny for real… Please tell me when I’ll make my first Billion GBP….Nice and interesting as always!

    And by the way, those were very lucky guesses! 🙂

  13. damn…. aight, you better give me some predictions now….. if i like them you get a case of you know what… if i dont, youre getting proved wrong like hell…… 🙂

  14. btw, you don’t like soccer? just wait till you see american football…… you’ll pick up soccer like the keys to a free lamborghini……..

  15. Princess says:

    Oya, Predict for me now now. I need a prophesy o! and it better be positive.
    Ok seriously now, maybe u have some special prophetic powers that u dont even know about, why dont u explore it, who knows,you may be the next Naija Elijah.
    How are u doing man?

  16. Azuka says:

    Prophet? I’m not one oh!

    Some people have that uncanny ability to feel what’s coming — I’ve met some. On the other hand, my mom is one of the few people who can see right through me, and it’s quite eerie.

    The Life of a Stranger
    Yeah, my aunt’s great. I talked to her yesterday.

    How did it turn out?

    You get levels oh!

    I predict we’ll talk on AIM soon. Now where’s the vodka?

    Very lucky guesses, I’d say :-D.

  17. cheetarah says:

    Hmm, azuka me sense some supernatural powers in the air,lol! seriously doe it happens sometimes, mine is I say sumink is gonna happen like or I talk about some1 then I walk smack in2 them, but its seasonal. But howfa lets make some cheese with this ur gift, u can be called ‘the amazing azuka’ and people will call in for readings,lol1

  18. Vickii says:

    Hmmm, interesting … that’d be a pretty cool power to have! I once jokingly said to someone that I could guess their birthday then I guessed the month and went on to guess the date correctly. And once a friend sent me an email asking me to guess what time she got into work that day, and I guessed and it was exactly correct. But I’ve tried both of these skills on numerous other occasions and been very far off … I guess I don’t have special powers like you!

  19. Oracle says:

    Prophet Azuka, Itz good you recognise the fact that you have no power and that make you formidable.


  20. Afolabi says:

    This sounds like a true story…I like the way you narrate these stories. Read the my stories on my blog

  21. Afolabi says:

  22. You’ve got a gift of prediction. I have a friend just like you. Maybe you should start a church, honestly.

  23. Noni Moss says:

    Very interesting – i dont think you should shut it off. It’s a gift – however slight you feel it maybe. You have it for a reason so you should use it.

    So what’s the first thign that comes to mind when you think of me? 😀

  24. Jaja says:

    Nice post again, but Azuka, I know your type.

    Am wary of every thing paranomal, prophets included.. ( they make me cluth my wallet closer to my skin)

    there is this fancy word that keeps showing up each time am arround a suspect,

    Charlatan??? lol

  25. Azuka says:

    The Amazing Azuka. Sounds great! Now for the contract — my manager will agree to take all the blame for any unfulfilled predictions… 😆

    It’s amazing the things that happen by coincidence.

    Lol. Thanks.

    Just an attempt at humor. Of course I’ve made a lot more false ‘predictions’ than these ones. I’ll check out your blog.

    Church? Ha ha. I haven’t been in one in almost two years.

    Noni Moss
    Great lady. 😉

    Thanks for dropping by.

  26. Nasra says:

    Predict when I will get a job azuka plz

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