Untitled
Date: March 10th, 2007We sat glowering over our glasses at each other. A muscle twitched in his jaw and he was holding his glass so tightly I thought it would explode in his hand.
Sarah returned from the Ladies’ and took her seat between us. There were the beginnings of a smile on her lips and I guessed something funny had just happened.
“You’ll never believe what happened,” she gushed. “I was going…”
She looked from me to him and the words died in her throat. There was uncomfortable silence around the table.
“Lighten up guys,” she prodded. The smile had returned to her face but I could see it was forced.
Henry got abruptly to his feet and fetched his coat. He left without saying a word.
“He doesn’t like you,” she said, her face downcast. “I tried.”
“I know,” I replied, the tension going out of my face and shoulders. “Brothers are like that.”
March 10th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Yay! I’m first! What do I get?
Nice, neat and short. Great writing.
March 10th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
You are really good at the art of observation, writing and suspense.
I could really adopt you Budd
March 10th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
writing keeps getting better……. this another true story?
March 11th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Precise! Great short story. You made the characters come alive. In a few short sentences, we feel like we know these people already.
Need i say, “good job”?
March 11th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
why doesnt he like u?
Keshi.
March 12th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Nicely done!!
March 12th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Azuka,
Is the title of this post “Untitled” or is it untitiled because you could not come up with a title? If it is because you couldn’t come up with a title, then I say SHAME ON YOU!! A written piece without a name is like a nameless child.
That being said…the guy was being protective of his sister. He knows what guys like himself r capable of doing to girls like his sister.
Men can be so selfish
*HISS*
March 12th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I just want to know what happened to that your female toaster ‘O shy one’!.
March 12th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
lol, why was the dude so mad? … jealousy
March 12th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Idemili
Let’s see… some ukwa perhaps?
Mad Hatter
Thanks…
Nikita
Thanks, and no it isn’t true.
Chainreader
Gracias!
Keshi
Well, I don’t know but I think it’s normal — and this is fictional.
Princess
Thanks!
Vera
You have come again oh! Don’t you ever write something without a title? I prefer a good story without a title to a good title without a story…
It’s just one of my observational writings. A Dad’s reaction would have been more severe. Now what say you?
Mrs. Somebody
We still run into each other but only when I can’t help it.
I got your emails asking for help but when I replied them I didn’t hear back from you? :-/
Jem
It’s normal.
March 12th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
It’s mysterious and lends itself to a variety of reader responses. i.e. “I was going…” One senses Sarah’s teasing attitude. One also senses the tension between the brothers, with Sarah, the source of the tension,
positioned in the middle.
Is there a missing word after “Sarah returned from the Ladies’___?___ and took …”
A nice snapshot of a conflicting situation.
Nada Najjar
March 12th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
i know i sound like a broken record but you are a very good writer with an intriguing story line too. when is part 2 coming up!
March 13th, 2007 at 1:15 am
Beautiful writing.. it was concise and really good… loved it!
March 13th, 2007 at 4:31 am
Nice post.. you want me to name it for ya?
March 13th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Nada
Thanks for the critique. Misty said the same thing when she was reading it out during the meeting. In British English, The Gents’ and The Ladies’ are both euphemisms for the cloakroom. I think here I ought to have said Ladies’ Rooom.
Confused
Erm, there’s no part 2, and thanks! No, you don’t sound like a broken record
Overwhelmed
Thanks. I really appreciate…
Nyemoni
Sure. What do you think it should be called?
March 13th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Very well-written, Azuka.
March 13th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
“I think here I ought to have said Ladies’ Rooom.”
nice….
but yea, i must agree, better a story without a title than the other way around….
March 13th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
what the hell? your underline tags don’t work….. i was trying to emphasize the ‘ooo’ in Rooom….. :\
March 13th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
In the beginning I am thinking what’s the relationship between these two guys and y the tension and then the ending answers my question.
I like it
Short, sweet.
and meaningful
March 13th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Azuka me go kill you for this kinda suspense eh! But for real, its really good being so short and concise!
You are such an articulate writer eh!
Have a blessed one….
March 14th, 2007 at 4:55 am
very good story. its gud u did not put a title cos it might have given up d whole thing. wat happens nxt??????????
March 15th, 2007 at 2:23 am
How about ‘family ties’? lmao!
March 15th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Mmmm…OK! Wait, what kind of Ukwa?
March 16th, 2007 at 2:24 am
NEW POST! NEW POST! NEW POST!
March 16th, 2007 at 4:15 am
ok sorry dear I got it sorted out with the help of my sister.but thanks so much 4 trying to help.
March 16th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Fiction? You this boy, you write too well, I’m jealous!
March 16th, 2007 at 10:33 am
Fabulous piece. Great! Great! Great!
March 17th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
did u do something to him, cause Im thinking he knows you and of you and your paths have somehow crossed. Were you notorious for doing something or he just doesn’t like your look.
loved the way you wrote it though.
Have a blessed weekend.
March 17th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Daddy’s Girl, Nikita
Thanks a lot.
Nikita
Something to do with valid XHTML 1.1. Use <ins> instead of <u> like this
Kafo
.
I’m glad my attempt at writing a really short story worked
Naija Dude
You too, amigos.
Chidi
I wish there were a next but there isn’t. Thansk for dropping by.
Nyemoni
That’s a great title. A little too late to rename, I think
Idemilii
The roasted one of course — or do you prefer it boiled?
Nyemoni
Lol. There’s one up now.
Mrs Somebody
I’m glad things worked out.
Vickii
Haba. No one can be better at expressing yourself the way you do. Remember that
Uzo
I’m blushing.
LOASCM
Ha ha. Who knows? It’s just a story.