Untitled

We sat glowering over our glasses at each other. A muscle twitched in his jaw and he was holding his glass so tightly I thought it would explode in his hand.

Sarah returned from the Ladies’ and took her seat between us. There were the beginnings of a smile on her lips and I guessed something funny had just happened.

“You’ll never believe what happened,” she gushed. “I was going…”

She looked from me to him and the words died in her throat. There was uncomfortable silence around the table.

“Lighten up guys,” she prodded. The smile had returned to her face but I could see it was forced.

Henry got abruptly to his feet and fetched his coat. He left without saying a word.

“He doesn’t like you,” she said, her face downcast. “I tried.”

“I know,” I replied, the tension going out of my face and shoulders. “Brothers are like that.”

Comments

  1. idemili says:

    Yay! I’m first! What do I get?
    Nice, neat and short. Great writing.

  2. Mad Hatter says:

    You are really good at the art of observation, writing and suspense.

    I could really adopt you Budd

  3. writing keeps getting better……. this another true story?

  4. chainreader says:

    Precise! Great short story. You made the characters come alive. In a few short sentences, we feel like we know these people already.

    Need i say, “good job”?

  5. Keshi says:

    why doesnt he like u?

    Keshi.

  6. Princess says:

    Nicely done!!

  7. Vera Ezimora says:

    Azuka,

    Is the title of this post “Untitled” or is it untitiled because you could not come up with a title? If it is because you couldn’t come up with a title, then I say SHAME ON YOU!! A written piece without a name is like a nameless child.

    That being said…the guy was being protective of his sister. He knows what guys like himself r capable of doing to girls like his sister.

    Men can be so selfish

    *HISS*

  8. mrs somebody says:

    I just want to know what happened to that your female toaster ‘O shy one’!.

  9. Jem says:

    lol, why was the dude so mad? … jealousy

  10. Azuka says:

    Idemili
    Let’s see… some ukwa perhaps?

    Mad Hatter
    Thanks…

    Nikita
    Thanks, and no it isn’t true.

    Chainreader
    Gracias!

    Keshi
    Well, I don’t know but I think it’s normal — and this is fictional.

    Princess
    Thanks!

    Vera
    You have come again oh! Don’t you ever write something without a title? I prefer a good story without a title to a good title without a story…

    It’s just one of my observational writings. A Dad’s reaction would have been more severe. Now what say you?

    Mrs. Somebody
    We still run into each other but only when I can’t help it.

    I got your emails asking for help but when I replied them I didn’t hear back from you? :-/

    Jem
    It’s normal.

  11. Nada Najjar says:

    It’s mysterious and lends itself to a variety of reader responses. i.e. “I was going…” One senses Sarah’s teasing attitude. One also senses the tension between the brothers, with Sarah, the source of the tension,
    positioned in the middle.

    Is there a missing word after “Sarah returned from the Ladies’___?___ and took …”

    A nice snapshot of a conflicting situation.

    Nada Najjar

  12. i know i sound like a broken record but you are a very good writer with an intriguing story line too. when is part 2 coming up!

  13. Beautiful writing.. it was concise and really good… loved it!

  14. nyemoni says:

    Nice post.. you want me to name it for ya?

  15. Azuka says:

    Nada
    Thanks for the critique. Misty said the same thing when she was reading it out during the meeting. In British English, The Gents’ and The Ladies’ are both euphemisms for the cloakroom. I think here I ought to have said Ladies’ Rooom.

    Confused
    Erm, there’s no part 2, and thanks! No, you don’t sound like a broken record 😉

    Overwhelmed
    Thanks. I really appreciate…

    Nyemoni
    Sure. What do you think it should be called?

  16. Daddy's Girl says:

    Very well-written, Azuka.

  17. “I think here I ought to have said Ladies’ Rooom.”

    nice….

    but yea, i must agree, better a story without a title than the other way around….

  18. what the hell? your underline tags don’t work….. i was trying to emphasize the ‘ooo’ in Rooom….. :\

  19. Kafo says:

    In the beginning I am thinking what’s the relationship between these two guys and y the tension and then the ending answers my question.
    I like it
    Short, sweet.
    and meaningful

  20. Naija Dude! says:

    Azuka me go kill you for this kinda suspense eh! But for real, its really good being so short and concise!
    You are such an articulate writer eh!

    Have a blessed one….

  21. chidi says:

    very good story. its gud u did not put a title cos it might have given up d whole thing. wat happens nxt??????????

  22. nyemoni says:

    How about ‘family ties’? lmao!

  23. idemili says:

    Mmmm…OK! Wait, what kind of Ukwa?

  24. nyemoni says:

    NEW POST! NEW POST! NEW POST!

  25. mrs somebody says:

    ok sorry dear I got it sorted out with the help of my sister.but thanks so much 4 trying to help.

  26. Vickii says:

    Fiction? You this boy, you write too well, I’m jealous!

  27. uzo says:

    Fabulous piece. Great! Great! Great!

  28. did u do something to him, cause Im thinking he knows you and of you and your paths have somehow crossed. Were you notorious for doing something or he just doesn’t like your look.

    loved the way you wrote it though.

    Have a blessed weekend.

  29. Azuka says:

    Daddy’s Girl, Nikita
    Thanks a lot.

    Nikita
    Something to do with valid XHTML 1.1. Use <ins> instead of <u> like this

    Kafo
    I’m glad my attempt at writing a really short story worked :-D.

    Naija Dude
    You too, amigos.

    Chidi
    I wish there were a next but there isn’t. Thansk for dropping by.

    Nyemoni
    That’s a great title. A little too late to rename, I think 🙁

    Idemilii
    The roasted one of course — or do you prefer it boiled?

    Nyemoni
    Lol. There’s one up now.

    Mrs Somebody
    I’m glad things worked out.

    Vickii
    Haba. No one can be better at expressing yourself the way you do. Remember that 😉

    Uzo
    I’m blushing.

    LOASCM
    Ha ha. Who knows? It’s just a story.

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