Untitled
by Azuka on March 10, 2007
We sat glowering over our glasses at each other. A muscle twitched in his jaw and he was holding his glass so tightly I thought it would explode in his hand.
Sarah returned from the Ladies’ and took her seat between us. There were the beginnings of a smile on her lips and I guessed something funny had just happened.
“You’ll never believe what happened,” she gushed. “I was going…”
She looked from me to him and the words died in her throat. There was uncomfortable silence around the table.
“Lighten up guys,” she prodded. The smile had returned to her face but I could see it was forced.
Henry got abruptly to his feet and fetched his coat. He left without saying a word.
“He doesn’t like you,” she said, her face downcast. “I tried.”
“I know,” I replied, the tension going out of my face and shoulders. “Brothers are like that.”
29 comments
Yay! I’m first! What do I get?
Nice, neat and short. Great writing.
by idemili on March 10, at 1:24 pm. #
You are really good at the art of observation, writing and suspense.
I could really adopt you Budd
by Mad Hatter on March 10, at 3:56 pm. #
writing keeps getting better……. this another true story?
by Nikita Evgenevich on March 10, at 10:02 pm. #
Precise! Great short story. You made the characters come alive. In a few short sentences, we feel like we know these people already.
Need i say, “good job”?
by chainreader on March 11, at 9:43 pm. #
why doesnt he like u?
Keshi.
by Keshi on March 11, at 11:27 pm. #
Nicely done!!
by Princess on March 12, at 12:06 pm. #
Azuka,
Is the title of this post “Untitled” or is it untitiled because you could not come up with a title? If it is because you couldn’t come up with a title, then I say SHAME ON YOU!! A written piece without a name is like a nameless child.
That being said…the guy was being protective of his sister. He knows what guys like himself r capable of doing to girls like his sister.
Men can be so selfish
*HISS*
by Vera Ezimora on March 12, at 3:13 pm. #
I just want to know what happened to that your female toaster ‘O shy one’!.
by mrs somebody on March 12, at 4:30 pm. #
lol, why was the dude so mad? … jealousy
by Jem on March 12, at 5:18 pm. #
Idemili
Let’s see… some ukwa perhaps?
Mad Hatter
Thanks…
Nikita
Thanks, and no it isn’t true.
Chainreader
Gracias!
Keshi
Well, I don’t know but I think it’s normal — and this is fictional.
Princess
Thanks!
Vera
You have come again oh! Don’t you ever write something without a title? I prefer a good story without a title to a good title without a story…
It’s just one of my observational writings. A Dad’s reaction would have been more severe. Now what say you?
Mrs. Somebody
We still run into each other but only when I can’t help it.
I got your emails asking for help but when I replied them I didn’t hear back from you? :-/
Jem
It’s normal.
by Azuka on March 12, at 6:44 pm. #
It’s mysterious and lends itself to a variety of reader responses. i.e. “I was going…” One senses Sarah’s teasing attitude. One also senses the tension between the brothers, with Sarah, the source of the tension,
positioned in the middle.
Is there a missing word after “Sarah returned from the Ladies’___?___ and took …”
A nice snapshot of a conflicting situation.
Nada Najjar
by Nada Najjar on March 12, at 8:24 pm. #
i know i sound like a broken record but you are a very good writer with an intriguing story line too. when is part 2 coming up!
by confusednaijagirl on March 12, at 10:22 pm. #
Beautiful writing.. it was concise and really good… loved it!
by Overwhelmed Naija Babe on March 13, at 1:15 am. #
Nice post.. you want me to name it for ya?
by nyemoni on March 13, at 4:31 am. #
Nada
Thanks for the critique. Misty said the same thing when she was reading it out during the meeting. In British English, The Gents’ and The Ladies’ are both euphemisms for the cloakroom. I think here I ought to have said Ladies’ Rooom.
Confused
Erm, there’s no part 2, and thanks! No, you don’t sound like a broken record
Overwhelmed
Thanks. I really appreciate…
Nyemoni
Sure. What do you think it should be called?
by Azuka on March 13, at 12:24 pm. #
Very well-written, Azuka.
by Daddy's Girl on March 13, at 2:35 pm. #
“I think here I ought to have said Ladies’ Rooom.”
nice….
but yea, i must agree, better a story without a title than the other way around….
by Nikita Evgenevich on March 13, at 6:04 pm. #
what the hell? your underline tags don’t work….. i was trying to emphasize the ‘ooo’ in Rooom….. :\
by Nikita Evgenevich on March 13, at 6:05 pm. #
In the beginning I am thinking what’s the relationship between these two guys and y the tension and then the ending answers my question.
I like it
Short, sweet.
and meaningful
by Kafo on March 13, at 9:25 pm. #
Azuka me go kill you for this kinda suspense eh! But for real, its really good being so short and concise!
You are such an articulate writer eh!
Have a blessed one….
by Naija Dude! on March 13, at 10:01 pm. #
very good story. its gud u did not put a title cos it might have given up d whole thing. wat happens nxt??????????
by chidi on March 14, at 4:55 am. #
How about ‘family ties’? lmao!
by nyemoni on March 15, at 2:23 am. #
Mmmm…OK! Wait, what kind of Ukwa?
by idemili on March 15, at 3:19 pm. #
NEW POST! NEW POST! NEW POST!
by nyemoni on March 16, at 2:24 am. #
ok sorry dear I got it sorted out with the help of my sister.but thanks so much 4 trying to help.
by mrs somebody on March 16, at 4:15 am. #
Fiction? You this boy, you write too well, I’m jealous!
by Vickii on March 16, at 10:04 am. #
Fabulous piece. Great! Great! Great!
by uzo on March 16, at 10:33 am. #
did u do something to him, cause Im thinking he knows you and of you and your paths have somehow crossed. Were you notorious for doing something or he just doesn’t like your look.
loved the way you wrote it though.
Have a blessed weekend.
by the Life of a stranger called me on March 17, at 12:32 pm. #
Daddy’s Girl, Nikita
Thanks a lot.
Nikita
Something to do with valid XHTML 1.1. Use <ins> instead of <u> like this
Kafo
.
I’m glad my attempt at writing a really short story worked
Naija Dude
You too, amigos.
Chidi
I wish there were a next but there isn’t. Thansk for dropping by.
Nyemoni
That’s a great title. A little too late to rename, I think
Idemilii
The roasted one of course — or do you prefer it boiled?
Nyemoni
Lol. There’s one up now.
Mrs Somebody
I’m glad things worked out.
Vickii
Haba. No one can be better at expressing yourself the way you do. Remember that
Uzo
I’m blushing.
LOASCM
Ha ha. Who knows? It’s just a story.
by Azuka on March 17, at 10:01 pm. #