That was my view of the opposite sex when I was little.

Delicate friends.

They were friends who generally didn’t like to play football — and when they did, they cried every time we ‘played rough.’ The tomboys were the exception — those scary girls you never tried to get into fights with because they would throw the first punch.

I think I interacted a lot more with girls than with guys in the early days. I played a variation of ten-ten:

You may go-ooooo
You may go anywhere you like…
Can’t you see someone like you…
…One — Wolombo
Two — Together…

I jumped rope better than they did — I still can jump through a loop, make the rope go by twice while I’m still in the air, and jump backwards!

With the transition from primary to secondary school, like others, I became more aware of the changes taking place on both sides. It became something of an accomplishment to borrow a pencil from a girl. Your mate carrying on a normal (abnormal to us) conversation with a girl was deemed to be running PG (Private Gist). Should a girl say a simple ‘hello’ to you, your day was made :-D.

During that period, they were in a sense, sacred beings.

This continued for a while — that is, until I noticed other guys were getting along better with them than I was. A fraction of these guys got along much, much better — they were paired with members of the opposite sex.

I had been left behind…

In senior secondary school, I had no idea what came over me. Whatever it was, I’ll call it temporary madness.

The first thing I did was declare myself to be a misogynist. I think that was the first time a lot of my classmates heard that word. Even then, my vocabulary was huge — I got away with callipygian as an example of a five-syllable word in an English class once — but in this case, I didn’t really understand the full meaning of the word.

I avoided anything female like the plague. Very few of them dared to talk to me, and those who did got some biting remark in reply. The rest of the time, I behaved as if they weren’t even there. I think a lot of it came from some conclusion I made after watching my elder brother that if I dwelt too much on girls, I wouldn’t do well in school. Unsurprisingly, I was at the bottom of the class during that period and I only went back to the top after getting friendly with them.

Again, I have no idea how I got cured. I made up somehow, said my his and blended in. As a prefect, rumor had it that I hated girls, but it had more to do with the fact that I found it — and still find it — difficult to treat both sexes unequally. Punishment meted out to erring males was equal to that given to females, and given the physical difference, it was more like giving men’s work to ladies. I digress.

I’m in the university now, and my attitude towards girls as romantic interests is rather apathetic. I’ve had my share of crushes, but if I were to compare with most guys my age, its quite minimal.

I just might be heading towards my childhood where I can only see them as friends, or maybe I’ve been working and studying so hard, there hasn’t really been time to get to know them better.

* I clarified some parts of my post. Insertions are in underline.


  1. detox says:

    just friends?…i wish you’d say more about what it means to be a once upon a time misogynist. Maybe you’re less than normal amount of crushing is simply a deviation from the fact that most men feel compelled/ are socialized to OVER perform their affinity, closeness to women/girls. It is usually just a show and most guys will profess complete confusion and not having a damn clue what girls/women are about hence the whole pop culture genre/ production of books like men are from mars and women are from venus type of books. But also, i think we are unfortunately socialized to stay away and keep gender mysterious, it helps men stay manly men and women,girly girls. Nonetheless, i’m left wondering if there aren’t any remnants of your past, self professed misogyny in your declaration that women may just be ‘friends’. If feels like you desire sooooo much more. No?

  2. snazzy says:

    hey dude, it’s been a while. u really should think about full rss feeds you know, even though i probably wouldnt have come if the feed was full. Still those of us with slow internet connections are sufferring men πŸ˜€

    anyhow on to actual content. boys rule and girls drool!!! That is the end of the matter

    Oh and girls gossip and guys gist.

    I’m sure I could go on and on, but u do have valuable comment space. So granted i have been pretty pointless, but u gotta admit that this comment is a lot better than “LOL” or “I feel u” or something like that. See, that’s how life is when u getting commented on by… aiight i’ma stop now. Seriously though full feed RSS or i’ma be back πŸ˜€

  3. sting says:

    WHY? Doesn’t make sense. Don’t u want a girl friend some day? Why the apathy?

  4. Taureanminx says:

    I dindn’t care for guys for quite a long time either. Everyone has his/her pace. You shouldn’t really dwell on it, live your life one day at a time πŸ™‚

  5. Charizard says:

    Callipygian? Wow…impressive….

    Mayn I ono w@ say…*braces to say sth stupid* I guess God’s time is the best

  6. Jaycee says:

    Azukie, just wanted to say there’s something sexy abt a vulnerable guy. Don’t worry, very soon one woman is going to make you one very happy man.

  7. Jem says:

    You’re very genuine in the sense that you see ladies as friends. Most true friendships a girl and guy of common interest/attraction develop into great relationships when explored further with enough communication and understanding of the 2 personalities as it relates male and female. You are already cured, i just think you are a tad careful(which is very good) But once you loosen up more a little around a girl you have identified to really like,well, who is as “genuine” as you are and willing, you’ll see what happens. Like detox said, i recommend the “Men are from mars, women are from venus book.” It’s awesome….nothing much, just talks about male/female mannerisms, interaction or socialization but very enlightening. Read it and ur good to go.

  8. Jem says:

    On the “apathy” note. The fact that you’ve had some crushes shows you are not all entirely apathetic….it’s just a state of mind boiling down to one decision. Do you want to care/show emotion or not? …. whatever answer you choose means taking the necesarry steps in the direction of your choices to reach a good end and that’s it !!!

  9. “…maybe I’ve been working and studying so hard, there hasn’t really been time…”

    i got the same problem bro…. πŸ™

  10. Afropinay says:

    WoW! What a post.. Just be yourself..

  11. badderchic says:

    Its called the great metamorphosis dear! lol

  12. Azuka says:

    I was never really one — honest.

    Actually, that’s one of the reasons I don’t publish in full πŸ˜‰

    Oh, I do. Now I’m just not sure. I think there’re two kinds of wants. There’re times you’ll take something if you happen to get it — other times, you actually go out and get it yourself.

    Taureanminx, Charizard

    Am I vulnerable? πŸ™„

    Any specific title you’d like to recommend?

    Are you sure it isn’t GTA4?

    I no dey see you for messenger again oh!


  13. kelly says:

    actually everything you wrote is very true(about your behaviour in school I mean).I can authoritatively say that you scared yhe living daylight out of us all,especially we junior girls.glad to know that you are better now…and still improving.I don’t know if you ever got wind of this-probably you did, but we had a nick name for you. Anyway best wishes as you go on your healing process.
    Sure you are not alone in that though!
    N.B- we actually thought you never smiled.EVER

  14. Azuka says:

    Ah, don’t tell me that nickname was ‘Robocop.’

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