Mr. Nice Guy
April 3rd, 2008No, this isn’t about the Jackie Chan film. It’s about me — and no, I’m not implying I’m the nicest guy around.
The seeds were sown in the Fall of last year when my friend Samuel asked me to do him a favor. His cousin was apparently coming over from Ghana and would be staying in the dorms. Would I kindly take him under my wing, show him the ropes, yada-yada?
Sure.
I’d gotten [yet another] a new roommate. I never quarreled with my past roommates — OK, I came close to doing so once but we settled the issue amicably — so I assumed naturally that everything would go smoothly from then on. Was I wrong!
For one, I discovered my new ‘friend’ (we’ll call him N) was into music, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. My eardrums nearly literally got blown off every time he decided to listen to something. I let him use my computer back then because he hadn’t gotten his, making it ironic that I was assailed by my own speakers. My PC’s soundcard is quite loud, so you can imagine how it all felt to someone who listened mostly to Yanni, Vivaldi and Mozart. The situation worsened when he got a new PC. His speakers had some very wicked sub-woofers.
I regularly perform culinary feats in the dorms using my rice cooker and microwave. At first, I offered him samples whenever I cooked — I later stopped doing so, although he felt comfortable enough to go in my the fridge and partake of my stew without asking me.
My only response was a rather weak, “I love to cook. The ingredients for two pots of stew are just over $10. I don’t mind if you buy them when next you shop for groceries. I can help you cook them.” My words seemed to be for one-time use, as after the initial time he bought groceries, I’ve been doing the buying.
My next point of action was to sometimes cook what he didn’t like — even though I wasn’t too happy to eat that stuff either. Sort of a lose-lose situation, although in the end I would have to cook something I loved. This game of hide-and-seek continued for a long time while the resentment brewed inside of me.
It wasn’t just food. The air fresheners I buy get taken out of my drawers and used freely. And they don’t even get returned to their original locations.
Apparently, our relationship had ‘progressed’ to the point where one could say, “N’s things are his. Azuka’s things are also N’s.” When I thought about it, I figured I was just being possessive. I even wrote up a post about realizing for the first time how possessive I am. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t publish it, although doing so would have meant less time since my last post.
Things came to a head last week when I called him aside to complain about his sound. He shot back at me that I frequently watched anime in the night while he was asleep. The annoying thing is, it was true. I stopped using my headphones in the night simply because I wanted to get back at him for playing loud music in the day, and he had felt free to increase the volume of his music during the day because I watched anime at night. We managed to straighten things out and have worked out the sound problem.
As is my wont when Samuel visits me, I began to lay out my complaints about N yesterday when he came for help with a C# assignment on encryption. This time, I think he got tired of listening to my whining as he told me in no uncertain terms that I was too concerned about offending people — the world didn’t work that way. I may be fiery when I write — sometimes brash — but in the end my personality’s more on the passive side.
I think I’ve been running away from a direct confrontation on so many issues and I’ve decided to face them head on. Thank you Samuel…
The Oni in me has awakened. I’m going to do the things that make me happy from now on. Nice guys get the short end of the stick.
I hope I don’t overdo it… 
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
As a fellow nice guy, I agree with you…….
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I agree that nice pple get the short end of the stick most times. I think u should definitely speak up. What’s the worse that could happen?
April 4th, 2008 at 12:37 am
Yeah I am in totally agreemenr as well
April 4th, 2008 at 12:55 am
we’re kinda alike in that aspect…I find it very very difficult to confront people…I dunno y…
April 5th, 2008 at 5:17 am
I don’t agree so much (somebody have to:)), nice guy don’t get the short end of the stick at the end of the story. Being nice is always winning on the end and like Shakespeare said: ‘it’s all well what ends well’.
I just don’t see why being nice and being clear about your limits is a paradox. So I think people who are not clear about there limits are more scared people instead of nice people. Being nice (for me) is have an honest open communication about your limits and trying to find solution from both ways.
April 6th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Well, good luck with that. Though I will say, unnecessary confrontation can backfire. As long as you don’t bite off more than you can chew, you should be fine, I guess. Just don’t want to hear a news report that you got beat down trying to be a ‘bad’ boy. lol!
Have a wonderful week!
NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE…
April 7th, 2008 at 7:43 am
@ Solomonsydelle… Agree with you totally.
I’ve been here before. I came back and see that I’ve missed a lot.
Cheers.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:55 am
i tire 4 u sha. everyone must not like u oh. u cant please all and displease urself. direct confrontation pls.
then after a while, buy him a bottle of beer and everything is forgotten.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Aya! You’re right. You usually sound fiery, so this is a side of you that amazes me(giggles). Wow!
April 8th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Boso
Lol. Thanks
Sting
Well, I’m waiting to see how it goes.
Charizard
Oh, I used to be more outspoken when pushed to the limit, but I had some anger problems. I guess I didn’t realize when controlling my temper rogressedto avoiding confrontations.
Alain
In this case, I mean ‘nice’ as in people who try to be ‘nice’ as opposed to people who are nice. Forgive my ambiguity.
SolomonSydelle
Actually, he hasn’t done anything that would require one so we haven’t had a confrontation yet. I don’t really go looking for fights.
Chris
Welcome back
Uzezi
Love the analogy. We’re both still underage so I’ll probably look for beer alternatives.
Cider
Long time no see! Well, some people sound the same when they write and others sound different. I belong in the latter group.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Azuka……ahhhhh, the Oni in u has awakened? Lollll. I hope u don’t overdo it too.
Besides that, how have u been faring? Long time…
April 10th, 2008 at 5:15 am
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
April 11th, 2008 at 8:18 am
I hope you dont overdo it.Anyway, i believe it’s high time you got check the guy’s excesses. Haba! You give am ‘allow’ now he want ‘allowance’.
April 12th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
So what was the outcome?
April 15th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
and?
how have you been Mr zuks,
April 19th, 2008 at 4:16 am
update now
April 21st, 2008 at 2:50 am
Hey Azuka, people can still be nice but have boundaries. Let us know how it went.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:29 am
Jaycee, Aphrodite
No, I won’t.
Idemili
Thanks…
Favoured Girl
I gave him a scolding the next time he went into my things without permission. Sulked for a while, but things seem to be fine. I’ll handle the food issues this week.
LOASCM
I’ve been doing fine ;-).
Uzezi
Updated.
Taureanminx
I’m aware of that. The last line was supposed to refer to my version of ‘nice.’