Overture

I had walked into my friend’s room to get a haircut from his roommate.

‘Hi sexy!’ someone called out. I looked up to see who it was. It was a girl, pretty and with this haute look from under the hat she had drawn down over one eye.

I’ve always believed gender doesn’t matter when it comes to doing the asking out or the come-on, but for some reason I was tongue-tied.

‘She’s talking to you,’ my friend’s roommate C prompted.

‘Hi,’ I stammered out in a croaked voice.

She walked up to me, arms akimbo, every inch the confident lady. ‘Why didn’t you answer? Don’t you think you’re sexy?’

It was as if I had no tongue. I found myself struggling with the words that formed wherever words do.

‘Er, no,’ I said after a prolonged pause in which she stared me down and I pretended to set my watch.

My friend Kwame looked amused. I could tell he was trying hard to keep from laughing out loud. I probably wouldn’t have held back from laughing if I had been in his shoes but from where I stood, things didn’t look very funny.

My heart beat wildly and I moved as far away from her as I could. I just couldn’t handle it. My face was unchanged as usual but inside I was a complete mess.

C got his equipment ready. I sat down and he fastened a black smock around me.

Just as he turned his clipper on, I heard someone say, ‘What’s your name?’

My tormentor was back. What was my name? Damned if I knew — I had forgotten my name.

‘I, I don’t have a name,’ I replied.

‘Oh really?’ a pout. ‘Are you shy?’

Deep down inside me I know I’m shy, and it’s not just with girls — it’s the same with everyone although surprisingly, I find it easier to talk to girls. Any implication of being shy puts me on the defensive and that was exactly what happened.

‘Of course not,’ I said, more confident.

‘Then what’s your name?’ she asked again.

‘I don’t have one,’ I had recalled my name now but I wanted to convey the impression that I’d been playing from the onset.

‘Why don’t you want to tell me your name?’ I could tell she was about to give up asking so I told her.

‘Azuka, A-zu-ka,’ she practiced saying it. ‘Nice name.’

‘Thanks,’ I said and pretended to be deafened by the hum of the clipper.

I never asked her name and I seem to have acquired a morbid fear of visiting Kwame’s room. Oh dear!

Update

Thus saith some one from long ago:

If the mountain does not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain.

I was at the Student Accounts window to pick my check today. Two girls were on the line before me.

One of them turned to me, ‘Hi Sexy!’

The mountain had come to Mohammed and the best I could manage was a weak, ‘Hi.’

‘Remember me?’ she asked. ‘From C’s room?’

Wahala…

Comments

  1. Afropinay says:

    Sprinkles ***Holy water Holy water holy water**
    mumbling and chattering.. You need to come to the Buddhist temple this evening.. You have been missed..:)
    How are you? Long time..

    I can’t believe you messed up like that chai. I have an assignment for you!!! See me in my office.

  2. temmy tayo says:

    I have to include you in my cycle of prayers.

  3. Diamond says:

    hmmm….sexy and shy Azuka….i like that…well not so much the “shy” part….

  4. snazzy says:

    dude, dude, dude…I got nothing. I am officially speechless. Though I must say, your friend clearly has more self-control than I do.

  5. Buki says:

    Awwww… I think that’s so cute!

    The Silent, Shy and Sexy type… LOL!

  6. Calabar Gal says:

    Azuka – Sit up!! Thou shall not be allowed to be shy any longer!!

  7. Azuka says:

    Afropinay
    Which kin yeye office? So you were lying when you told the monk you were out of holy water. Another sin. Oh dear…

    Temmy Tayo
    As long as you’ll be praying for more riches for me — or what exactly will it be?

    Diamond
    Are you sure I’m shy? ๐Ÿ˜›

    Snazzy
    It’s quite funny in retrospect. Laugh with me!

    Buki
    Erm, I think you may be right only about being silent. As for the rest, hmmm, I still won’t agree ;-).

    Calabar Gal
    Thus saith Calabar Gal…

  8. Boso says:

    Hey, don’t worry, I’m shy too (although I’m not sure if your case is worse than mine) !

  9. Naijabloke says:

    Azuka Joe,

    We have to do something abt this ur shyness o,chie ..

  10. Princess says:

    You have to confront your shyness and go back to Kwame’s room soon!!

  11. Why!!!?? you let her get away. You have to return to kwame’s room as I am typing this right now!!!! Damn! you didnt even ask for her name.

  12. mochafella says:

    roflmao. Hilarious!!!!! Won’t be surprised if your friend set you up.

  13. Endi says:

    Dont mind all this people who are talking as if they’ve not been caught in such a predicament before.Dont mind them, i’m on ur side…er, ehm..but dont let it happen again! Nigerians no dey do like that…

  14. c0dec says:

    way to go pimp! ๐Ÿ™‚ you were doing fine till you told her your name. keep ’em guessing!

  15. nice………..

    the best girl is the one that asks YOU out…..

    so all i have to say is this: ENJOY

  16. mochafella says:

    Hmm, looks like you have a stalker.

  17. Azuka says:

    Boso
    Lol. We’ll just have to see about that…

    Naijabloke
    So what’s the plan?

    Endi
    Thanks for the support.

    c0dec
    Well, is there a plan B ;)?

    Nikita
    I think I’m tempted to take a shot of vodka to boost my confidence, but oh well it’s just one of those things.

    Mochafella
    Not really. Just coincidence, and I think shes just having some fun disturbing a shy guy. My opinion…

  18. nilla says:

    Azuka you actually said “I don’t have a name” in response to her question….lol

    Anyways Sexy, I’ll see ya around later….lol

  19. mac says:

    ‘Zuka if I was at home right now eeh, I’d be rolling all over the floor. You get luck.

    It specially intrigues me what gurls deem sexy… silent and shy… HA!

  20. hehehe, not a bad idea actually…. just dont forget to offer her some too…..

  21. bibi says:

    mehn… so all the lessons i gave u, u don use am chop amala… chai my not aving internet is causing all dse o….hmmmm i guess if she was chinko, u would tell her ur name immediatly…

  22. overwhelmednaijababe says:

    lmfao.. ur such a cutie. i’m with londonbuki on this one… I love the shy type probably cos i talk enough for 2 ppl… the babe is serious oh.. abeg next time ask for her name at least… i have a feeling about this girl..lol.oh i wanted to say even b4 anythng else.. Azuka ur a fantastic writer!!! You inspire me… as in ur words dey flow man!(probaby told u dat a million times b4.. but i gotta give props where its due 4real)

  23. Azuka says:

    Nilla
    You’re looking for my trouble oh! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Mac
    Lol. It wouldn’t do to get our poet stuck in machinery while rolling with laughter. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Nikita
    Hmmm. You should be marketing it as the wonder-drug of the century, but then, cocaine once filled that position.

    Bibi
    See this yeye girl. Take your time oh!

    Overwhelmed
    Lol… Funny thing — all my friends are the noisy type. Quiet people don’t appeal to me — except some people like my current roommate.

    Thanks a lot.

  24. Awww, sexy shy guy meets confident girl! Stay cool, I’m sure she will keep chasing you. At least she’s doing all the work!

  25. Gridl0ck says:

    LOL, Damn you got tonguetied by some sassy gurl! Like c0dec said, u shd have kept her guessing, cos It appears she’s been waiting 4 u 2 make a move n couldn’t wait much longer, haha.

    U’ll get another chance, dont worry. Gurls like that always come back…

  26. uzo says:

    Wow. Seize the moment. Just say to her “why dont we discuss this sexy thing over dinner”. She seems to be feeling you….

  27. bhookey84 says:

    awwww wi like shy guys

  28. Elle says:

    awwww.. that’s so cute… ๐Ÿ˜‰ I see date looming… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  29. chainreader says:

    Awwwww. Sexy azuky is shy! Hehehee. Couldn’t resist.

    Ps: she’ll be back!

  30. yea really man, let her do all the work….. and i gotta admit, uzo has a great idea right there, couldn’t have said it better myself…….

  31. Azuka says:

    Favoured Girl
    Lol. Funny life isn’t it? I used to be grateful I wasn’t a [pretty] girl a long time ago as I would have found fending off advances highly annoying.

    Gridl0ck
    That was the first time we met.

    Uzo
    Ha! I’m quaking at the thought!

    bhookey84
    Hmmm. Really?

    Elle
    I’m too scared to imagine one ๐Ÿ™„

    Chainreader
    If one more person calls me sexy I just might begin to believe it.

    Nikita
    That’ll work for confident people unlike me…

  32. Keshi says:

    so wuts the issue here mate? I mean here u have met a friendly confident girl who calls u these lovely things and ur scared of her? LOL cmon Azuka go meet her again ๐Ÿ™‚ And tell us all abt it.

    Keshi.

  33. mari says:

    hey sexy! How was your weekend? Lol, that was so cute the way she came up to you. Can’t wait to hear what happens next. This is exciting.

  34. eeeh update some more pls!!
    so what happened.
    keeping true to your story telle characteristics, you are tantalizing us with the story
    ok oh!!

  35. who is mochafella? he should reveal himself.

  36. delilah 3 says:

    d girl suppose say “hi sexy baby boy” then you for faint. whats wrong with you? boy you are SEXY. period!! the only guy I think of as being sexy is IBB ( for real) and I cant even tell him. enjoy it while it lasts.

  37. Azuka says:

    Keshi
    It’s not that easy — at least to me ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Mari
    Weekend was full of some blues and I guess I carried it over to this week. Are you sure there’s any more to the gist?

    Confusednaijagirl
    Una sef. The tory don end oh!

    Mochafella is a friend of mine from my Nairaland days. He’s also a friend of a very good friend of mine (I think he knows who ;-))

    Delilah
    Ha ha. That’s a rib cracker there. IBB?

  38. idemili says:

    Heheheehehehe! Oh dear. I think I just wet myself.

  39. Daddy's Girl says:

    Hi sexy. Aww, don’t be so shy. Next time ask her for her name. She could’ve made a good friend if nothing else.

  40. Lizzy says:

    Ohh My dear Azuka. What shall i do about your shyness?? Why are you a shyer??

    I Love this girl already, and i don’t even know her. She’s confident, straight forward, and she definitely knows a ‘sexy man’ when she sees one.

    The next time you see her, you BETTER (And i do mean BETTER — with a Thick nigerian ACCENT), Ask her for her name.
    I know she’ll be back (Like Schwarzenegger). ๐Ÿ˜‰

    P.S i love your writing style. My favorite Line: “My tormentor was back. What was my name? Damned if I knew รขโ‚ฌโ€ I had forgotten my name.”

    Okay seriously ooo… Everyone can laugh abt this — it’s funny, but you need to enroll in my school. Dont worry, we’ll explain what we do at our school when you enroll. Lol

  41. Vickii says:

    Lol Azuka, this is funny … I have read this pretty lat so I’m hoping by now you’ve tracked her down, spoken to her, asked her for her name??? Make sure you update us okay?

    Lol, I used to be really shy too (at least around people I didn’t know) and I totally understand how just replying to someone asking your name isn’t as easy as it looks.

  42. Kate Fedacad says:

    then kip it kool,wen u find ur type Mohammed will go to the mountain,you understand?

  43. notole says:

    you’ve always been shy, right from secondary school.(dont be afraid nobody is following you)

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