I haven’t really been doing any academic reading. I’ve also developed the extremely bad habit of sleeping through my classes. Somehow, I managed to keep up a 4.0 until last semester when I had a B in Communication. Anyone who knows me knows why — I don’t talk, and doing so in front of a crowd wasn’t very funny.
I’ve been doing some self-examination since I came over here. My idea of God was as some entity who was to be feared, to be groveled after, if only to escape the flames of ‘Hell’ and do some boring harp-playing and singing in ‘Heaven.’ I don’t think I want to go to that Heaven if it does exist and even if I do, I don’t want to go somewhere because I’m afraid. I’m not going into that here — this deserves a separate post.
I think I’ve been able to think better on my feet as the year progressed. Analysis of any situation comes rather easily to me — I break even the most mundane things into blocks. I need to explore this part of me better.
I’ve been able to plow through the year without declaring my intentions to any of my interests — the Nepalese who always had this mischievous smile and whispered in Nepalese to her friends whenever I was around, darting looks all the while, the Indonesian who’s practically unreadable but took me to task once because she hadn’t seen me in a long while, and finally the high school American student I took a class with in summer who told me my accent was cute and wanted to find out my age and if I had a girlfriend.
Do I have a confidence problem? Not exactly.
I think I’m a very complex individual — at least when I study other people. The only friends I’ve ever had have been those who understand that a lot of the time I need to be alone. I don’t want anyone nagging me that I haven’t called her twice in a day when I think once a week is just fine. I’m not exactly going to ignore, but if she wants me not to have any time for myself, then I’d rather keep to myself. Oh, and I’m not ready to sleep with anyone yet — that seems to be expected.
I’m taller and rounder than I was before I came over. Every time I send my mom one of my recent pictures she teases me that I shouldn’t be complaining about American food.
I’ve developed very quick reflexes and it’s becoming increasingly hard for the guys at the YMCA to read me when we play table tennis.
So far, I’ve been emotionally stable. I think I control the temper tantrums I inherited from my Dad better than he does. On the other hand, I think I’m too emotionally stable. The look I like to call the ‘Azuka look’ stays on my face all the time — there’s hardly any difference between when I’m angry, sad, or extremely happy.
When it comes to conflicts, this year I’ve lived up to what works best for me – I walk away. I’ve come to be known as soft to a lot of people around me but I think it’s better than the alternative. You don’t ever want to see me letting my anger control me — I become a raging volcano, and I’ve been known to make people huger than me cower in fright :-P.
2007 looks good so far. Finances dipped below the optimum level then came back up. I’m going to be more serious about impulsive purchases from Amazon, reading my books, and communicating with my family. Here’s to the new Azuka.