The first Oluchi I knew was a runny-nose crybaby in Primary One, the first Ernest a fair-skinned math teacher with huge nostrils who grinned as he strolled around you when you got a question wrong, before applying a cane to your unsuspecting back.

My first Ifeoma was a cheery, brilliant girl in my class who always had a smile on her face, my first Emmanuel a bully a class ahead of mine who seemed to derive some joy in blasting the ball into my stomach whenever I served as the goalkeeper during soccer games. My first Mustapha was one of my best friends in secondary school who was called the Professor because he explained the structure of DNA to an SS1 student while we were still in JSS1, and my first Sandra was a haughty but pretty girl who I had the misfortune to have a crush on.

I’ve noticed I can’t help it even today. Tell me about an Ifeoma and I think I want to meet her, because she’s sure to be spontaneous, cheery, etc. I was wary of one of my classmates named Ernest for a while until I decided he was ‘safe.’

I’m not a fan of Oluchi the model because there’s that link between her and a runny-nose. Emmanuels are okay with me, because I’ve met quite a lot over the years and they’ve almost always been ‘good guys.’ All Mustaphas are smart — at first — and all Veras have green eyes until proved otherwise.

If I were your first Azuka, would you expect any traits in the next Azuka you meet, or would you keep the personality profile blank until you found out more about him/her?